Stop Trying to Fix Yourself

LaChelle shares that she fell in love with personal development years ago, especially after beginning her entrepreneurial journey and discovering just how quickly business can expose limiting beliefs, fear, visibility blocks, and self-doubt. For years, she became focused on identifying those blocks, getting to their root causes, and figuring out how to fix them.

More recently, however, her perspective shifted. She realized that constantly examining a problem can keep a person energetically aligned with that very problem. Instead of continually asking, “What’s wrong with me?” LaChelle began asking different questions: Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? What do I want to experience?

Shannon describes it as amplifying the solution instead of amplifying the problem, and LaChelle agrees. Where focus goes, energy follows. If all of that focus stays on what is wrong, it becomes much harder to create something different.

When the Answer Came After She Stopped Looking for It

LaChelle shares an experience from after she left her full-time anesthesia career in 2022. Entrepreneurship was not feeling as fulfilling as she had expected, and she became consumed with figuring out her zone of genius and what she was meant to create next.

Then she took a 10-day family trip through Colorado and Utah. While visiting national parks, spending time with her family, and genuinely enjoying her life, the idea for her signature Spiral Up program suddenly became clear.

The breakthrough came when she was living the experience she wanted instead of obsessing over the problem she needed to solve.

That same principle can apply to consistency, confidence, and other areas where women tend to criticize themselves. Instead of asking why she cannot be more consistent, a woman can decide, “I am a consistent person,” and then ask how that version of herself thinks, behaves, responds to overwhelm, and handles days when motivation is nowhere to be found.

Identity Is the Source Code

LaChelle explains that traditional personal development often focuses on a progression of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviors, and results. Those pieces matter, but there is a problem when identity is left out of the equation.

If the desired results do not appear quickly enough, the loop can reverse. Disappointing results create discouraging thoughts, which affect feelings and beliefs, which change behavior and ultimately create more disappointing results.

Instead, LaChelle believes identity is the source code underneath the entire process.

Rather than allowing circumstances or results to determine who she believes she is, a woman can begin with the question: Who do I believe I am, and who does God say I am?

Step Into the “Queen” Identity

LaChelle describes an identity she often uses with her clients: the queen.

The queen is confident, poised, clear, respected, warm, magnetic, and consistent. She does not need constant validation from other people because she already knows she is whole and worthy. She serves others from what is already full inside her rather than trying to earn something in return.

When disappointment, uncertainty, or fear appears, LaChelle encourages women to ask:

How would the queen think about this? How would she feel? What would she believe? How would she respond?

Whether the situation involves business, parenting, marriage, work, or another part of life, stepping into the identity of the woman she wants to become begins changing everything that follows.

Confidence Follows Action

The second major shift LaChelle teaches is moving away from “have, do, be.”

Women often tell themselves that once they have enough money, confidence, support, knowledge, or credentials, then they will finally do the thing they want to do, and afterward they can be successful or happy.

Other high achievers get caught in “do, have, be.” They believe if they work harder, produce more, say yes more often, and control enough of the outcome, eventually they will have what they want and finally feel successful.

Both approaches place power outside of the individual.

LaChelle flips the sequence to be, do, have. She believes God has already equipped women with what they need to begin stepping forward. A woman can choose to be confident before the evidence arrives, take action from that identity, and allow the results to follow.

As LaChelle explains, confidence does not precede action. Confidence follows action.

Serve From Overflow, Not Depletion

The conversation then turns toward nervous system regulation and the example women set for their families, teams, and clients.

LaChelle uses the analogy of a pitcher that is constantly tipped over and pouring itself out. When women continually give their time, energy, and attention while secretly hoping to receive love, appreciation, validation, or worthiness in return, eventually the pitcher runs dry.

Instead, she encourages women to imagine themselves as an upright vase, continually connected to God, source, and love. They allow themselves to be filled first, then serve others from the overflow.

The difference is subtle but powerful: “I want to” instead of “I need to.”

Serving others does not disappear. The motivation behind it changes. A woman can give because it reflects who she is and what she feels called to do, not because she needs someone else’s response to prove her worth.

Learning She Was Worthy of Her Own Time and Care

LaChelle shares that her entrepreneurial journey originally began with something seemingly simple: skincare.

At the time, she was doing very little to care for her skin. After noticing how tired she looked, she purchased a skincare system from a neighbor and committed to using it consistently, partly because she was determined to prove whether it actually worked.

Her skin improved, but the bigger transformation surprised her.

For the first time, she had intentionally invested time and money in herself. She began leaving the house without makeup, standing taller, looking people in the eye, and experiencing greater confidence.

It was not simply because her skin looked different. She had begun treating herself as someone worthy of her own care.

The Queen, the Ice Queen, and Performing for Approval

To clarify what healthy confidence looks like, LaChelle contrasts the queen with two other identities.

The ice queen appears confident on the outside but is actually protecting herself. Her “I don’t care what anyone thinks” attitude is armor. The queen, by contrast, does care, but she does not allow other people’s opinions to define her.

LaChelle also describes an archetype she learned from a coach that represents the part of a woman who continually performs for approval. She may say yes when she wants to say no, overextend herself, give away her time and energy, or become someone she is not because she hopes to receive worthiness, acceptance, or validation in return.

The queen does not have to perform for her worth. She already knows she is whole.

For women of faith who worry that this confidence might sound arrogant, LaChelle offers a different perspective. Seeing herself as God created her is not about believing she is better than anyone else. It is about refusing to make herself smaller than she was created to be.

Model Regulation for the People Watching You

LaChelle reminds listeners that women are constantly modeling behavior for their children, employees, clients, and the people around them.

If a mother continually sacrifices herself, stays overwhelmed, ignores her needs, and gives until she has nothing left, her children may learn that this is what adulthood, motherhood, or service is supposed to look like.

Prioritizing regulation, rest, confidence, and self-care can therefore become more than something a woman does for herself. It models another way of living for the people watching her.

LaChelle also shares a voice-analysis tool she uses personally and with clients and family members as part of her approach to emotional awareness and nervous system regulation.

You Still Get to Choose

As the conversation closes, LaChelle shares the theme she sees repeatedly among people who experience greater joy, contentment, and success: they recognize their power to choose.

She believes free will is one of the greatest gifts God has given people. Every day brings another opportunity to choose where to focus, how to respond, and who to be.

Instead of becoming a victim of circumstances, LaChelle invites listeners to choose joy, choose the solution, choose faith, and choose to become the woman they were created to be.