hello beautiful

and welcome to Finding Fertility

I'm your host Monica Cox from Finding Fertility

Co and I created this podcast to help

get you to start thinking outside of the box

and realize that your infertility

might have nothing to do with your lady bits

rooted in functional medicine and personal experience

finding fertility

is all about looking at the whole body

and finding the root cause of your infertility

finding fertility does not diagnose

prescribe or treat any issues of infertility

but what we do is take a holistic approach

and improve your diet and your lifestyle

to get you steps closer to creating your dream family

just by being here with me

listening to this podcast

you're already going down the right path

to making your dreams come true

let's do this together

all right happy Friday all

welcome back to another episode of Finding Fertility

I'm your host Monica Cox

and I'm super honored that you are here

becoming the conscious mama you were born to be

I'm so excited for this talk with Lechelle Wimi

I just love it makes it like puts a smile on my face

we have planned this for quite a few months

and I'm so excited that it's happening

so welcome and introduce yourself to the community

says Monica thank you so much for having me here

you guys you were part of my tribe of people who just

you're warriors you guys

like if you don't see it right

now like you're a freaking warrior

the fact that you have had

hard things placed in front of you

the fact that you still show up

the fact that you're trying to find solutions to where

you are so that you can get on stuck and get outside

where you are now

like you're my kind of people right

so I just wanted to say thank you so much Monica

for having me here

and allowing me to be blessed by your amazing audience

and to be

really given the permission to be authentic

and real and vulnerable with all of you guys

without judgment and tons of Grace

because I'm not gonna be perfect

at all in that conversation

and I just wanna thank you for that

and yeah so gosh about me

I mean I think that if you

I'm gonna try to give you like a wig background story

right I am a nursingesthetist

I do anesthesia for a living

um I left my

actually 20 year anesthesia career back in September

and I am a business consultant now

so I do anesthesia for um

a small hospital help them out

but really where my passion is

is to help people step into the full

fullest version of themselves to be able to be like

Dang I actually did that

like proving to ourselves what we're capable of

and honestly getting out of our own way

and getting out of the ways that we sabotage our own

success and I find that

the things that I was doing in business

actually can relate really well to

even with the things I Learned in my fertility journey

so I just can't wait to like

put all these puzzle pieces together today and

and serve you guys so thanks yeah

I'm super excited so first off

you have a little bit of a fertility journey yourself

do you mind sharing that with us

absolutely you know

so I couldn't tell you guys

and I don't know if any of you can relate to this

but I went to a lot of school and my plan

because I was like a planner type a person is like okay

I'm gonna go to graduate school

I'm going to you know

finish that if I didn't get into graduate school

then I was just gonna have a baby like

you know how it all supposed to work out like that

right and so I got into grad school like okay great

we'll just start a family when we're done

and my husband is a teacher

so we laugh at this right now like he's a teacher

so I'm like oh

how great would it be to have this baby in the spring

so that I can be home with it

and then you could be home with it

it'll all be wonderful right

but we weren't quite ready yet

so I graduated from anesthesia school and I was like

alright so I think we're ready

but you know still a little nervous

I always compare it to standing on the edge of a pool

and you're looking in you're like okay

all these people are having fun and I wanna jump in

but I'm a little too scared right

and so that's kind of where I was like

okay I've done all the things like check out my boxes

and now it's time to do this box

but I'm like oh

I don't know if I wanna jump in

but I knew that once I would jump in

that I wouldn't want to get back out

that's kind of how about mom motherhood right

so it's like took me a while to like

get up enough nerve to like

jump in the deep end and just be ready

and then it didn't happen

and what like we waited like we did all the things

right right

and nothing was happening

and so I remember going to my doctor's office

and she ran some tests and she's like Michelle

I don't know if you guys

are going to be able to have a family

and now it's like hold tight

like wait a minute I didn't wanna jump in the pool

and now you're telling me

I'm not even allowed in the pool

like that's not cool right

so I don't know you guys I'm sure can relate to this

but now I wanted it even more

it's like

you tell me I can have something and it's like no

like this isn't and I think that you know

this happens to a lot of us

when we're at this stage of our lives

where all of a sudden

people around me were starting to have babies

my sister had a baby just a couple months before

um um you know

we were we're in this this space and

and right after we had been told

we probably wouldn't be able to have a family

my other sister in law who's a lot younger than me

you know got pregnant and it was really

really hard to to be in that space

because for the first time in my life

this was something that I couldn't control

or it felt like I couldn't

I had gone to school you know

I got into the best grad school

I did all the things and this is something that would

felt completely out of my control

and thankfully you know

we with a lot of medicine and a lot of patients

and an amazing team of of doctors

we were able to have our son

and kind of one of those things where it's like okay

I knew that it was gonna take us a little bit longer

if we wanted to have any more

so when he was about 1 I was like alright

let's just let's just see how this goes

and we started to do our thing with the doctors

and all the things

all the things that we worked for him

didn't work this time around

and we ended up having to escalate our um

our you know

procedures and and such

and I remember there was one month

we decided to go with IUI

and I remember

my scientific brain just really struggling with this

it's like I had six mature eggs

and my husband's count just happened to be

you know good that month and I'm just like

and and then we didn't get pregnant and like

how does that even work

like how does a plus B not equal C

like this doesn't make any sense

and along the same time too

it was really stressful in our family

my husband had a really hard time with his part in this

and um

without getting too personal um

I just assumed that that was like

a natural thing for a dude to do

and it's not apparently

and so then you add extra pressure

like this has to be done between 7:10 and 7:15

and that's like not gonna happen

so there were several months there

where

we had to cancel our appointments for insemination

because he didn't have anything that he could provide

and gosh it was so stressful

and we finally got to a place where I

by some miracle um

had a positive test came back

so it had worked and I was so just grateful like

okay Lord like

thank you so much for finally getting us to this point

because it had been crazy stressful on our marriage

because of the things that I had just described

and

you know when you go through this stuff

being you guys that are listening and you get it

like you're on medicine right

so I was getting shots so I felt tired

I mean my

my boobs hurt um

I was nauseous like all the things

and we went in for our first ultrasound

and the doctor came in and she's like hey

I um

I got a couple things to tell you one

um there were two sacks

um so twins

um but unfortunately neither one of them are here

um I had lost both of them

and it sucked because I felt pregnant

and I'll be honest with you

like Monica and I were talking a little bit

before we start recording

this was probably one of the hardest things I've

ever gone through in my life

and so if any of you guys have gone through this

I want you to just stay out of any shame and guilt

because this is where I went

I'm just like I was so sad

I was so mad I was mad at God

I'm like why did you even bother to give me something

and just take it away

why couldn't you have just at least given me one

it just

it totally blindsided me because I felt pregnant

and then all of a sudden

I was told that I wasn't and had to go through

you know the things that we go through to

dispel that from our body

and I and I was in anesthesia

I didn't wanna go through the

the um

DNC because I didn't want anybody to know

and I chose to take cedatac

and had to have that realization

that I was literally flushing

what might be my baby down the toilet

like it was awful you guys

and also alone because I felt like

nobody really understood what I was going through

I felt like

I shouldn't be grieving something I never met

as hard as I was and it's like the death of our dreams

it's the it's the death of our dreams

realize and then stripped from us

and I didn't allow myself the permission to grieve

I didn't allow myself the permission to feel like

this is a normal process and what happens instead

I isolated myself and I felt like I should be stronger

I should be tougher and it just got worse

and then as like gosh

I'm finding myself crying

like halfway down the road every day

and then I felt guilty like gosh

I'm really struggling with this

maybe I should ask my doctor

if there's anything that she can give me

and then what kind of mom am I

if I've asking my doctor to give me a medicine

it might not even be good for a future baby

to be in here and I felt selfish

and so all of the things that brought me into shame

and what I realize now is that shame

and guilt keep us at the bottom of the

what I call of emotional vibrational scale

I'm kind of a nerd when it comes to quantum physics

and brain science in

in my um

my business consulting world

and what I found is that

when I allowed myself to stay in this negative space

of hopelessness and despair and and

you know shame and guilt and all the things

it keeps you down in the lower vibrational plane

and what happens is

the closer we can be to the higher vibrational plane

the more likely it is for the things the good things

the blessings in our lives

to be able to attract to us with

with the way that art

the electrons actually entangle with each other

is kind of cool

and we can get into science you stuff if you want

but what I was finding is that my guilt and shame

around this experience

was actually the thing that was dragging me down

the furthest away from everything that I was desiring

and

once I was able to finally dig my way out of the shame

and the guilt

and I was able to allow some self compassion

and I was able to allow myself to feel loved

be loved love others

love things it was allowing me to find

my way back to where I needed to be

and where I wanted to be in order for this to happen

and um

I'll be honest with you like

it completely changed my life

but for the good and I think that everything

that I have gone through in my life

can be turned into something good

if I choose to look for it

so even when we're in the middle of a valley

and it feels gross and it feels icky

and it feels sad and depressing and

and all the things

I believe that if we choose to focus on something

even if it's the smallest little thing

that gives us some blessing from it

we can use it to elevate who we are

and who are supposed to be in this lifetime

and I allowed that experience

actually to strengthen my relationship with God

instead of allowing me to tear it apart

um and that decision alone

was actually one of the things that transcended

where I was to where I am today

so I don't know

was that was that like

that was good yeah

no thank you for sharing all that

yeah um

I totally agree the miscarriage part

for all women going um

through miscarriage society has not taught us

how to respect our bodies during that time right

meaning you know

taking time off of work yeah

asking for help

being allowed to grieve something that we never met

right like anyone who uses medical assistance

um and those embryos come you know

I know IUI is a little bit different

cause you don't see the embryos

but like when you see those embryos and IVF

those are your babies right

and I work with someone who does um

like frequency work

and she picked up on my IVF baby and she was like

is he a twin and I was like well no

technically on earth plane no

he's not a twin but he was created with uh like 5

6 other embryos so

and then he was frozen

for a year and a half with four of them

so yeah like he he was created with a bunch of other

you know babies

whether you believe they're just cells or their souls

or like whatever it is um

and my first miscarriage was a mis miscarriage

and I too did not wanna go through a DNC

I was so sick of people looking at my vagina

like absolutely not and I act

they never even offered me medicine and I think they

they overlooked what

where I was and what the situation was

but um I I basically passed the sack

I went into labor and no one warned you that

I was only about measuring like 7 weeks

so it wasn't really like deep into a pregnancy

but let me tell you

it's deep enough where you have to go into contractions

and open your cervix way more than a period

and um

that's something that women really need to be told

right to make more of an educated decision

because if they would have told me that

I would have I don't know what I would have done

but it would have made would have made me think

and because you didn't know when it was gonna come on

it didn't come on for two more weeks I was by myself

my husband was away no family around

and I ended up in the er because I over pushed myself

right after after it happened

I was like right

I'm gonna get back to it just like same

I think

almost 100% of women dealing with fertility issues

are Taipei right

and like pull yourself up by your bootstraps you know

like you're a tough girl and yeah

like totally ended up in the er

because I pushed myself too hard

and my body was like absolutely not

we need to be lying down and being pampered right

but um I really

really think that's like

such an important thing for women to know

and just give yourself that Grace yeah

do you think cause like

we maybe would have been in the similar situation

do you think that you didn't allow yourself that Grace

and that surrender

and the anger in the fear came in full vengeance

because of the programs you were running before

like fertility issues hit

yeah um

that's a really great question I think that

there was probably some unworthiness

that I was carrying with me

and I find that a lot of my clients

I find that with friends that

you know are wanting anything that they don't have

and it's so fascinating

because I had two clients today

that I had phone calls with

that both have a fear of success

and I could even equate fear of success

in the success of becoming a mother

when it's been something been wanting so much

because sometimes

we have locks that do not allow ourselves to go

because we're scared

of what's gonna happen when it happens

and so twice today

I heard the same thing where it's like

if I'm successful

I have to say goodbye to the life that I have

and that might be I might

you know none of my friends wanna have babies

so maybe I'm gonna lose all my friends

and there's a subconscious lock that actually keeps us

from allowing something to happen

because we're afraid of what's gonna happen

when it does right

um it's

you know when they had some belief systems around

you know whether or not you have money

equates to whether or not you are a bad person okay

so you might have some deep seated

underlying programming that says like

my mother was not a good mom

so I am not going to be a good mom

and therefore

I do not want to bring somebody into this world that

gonna do what my mom did to me

let's just say or or you you fear that you know

you are struggling financially

and so therefore you're fearful

that you're not going to be able to support

somebody coming into your life

and there's a deep seated

underlying block that you have

that you don't even have a conscious aware of

that's preventing you from being able to

to execute this this big beautiful life

and I think that when we know better

we do better and so

I often times

will just try to get my clients to understand that

if you notice little clues

that if

even if something that I'm saying is sparking like

holy crap like I never thought about that

it's that awareness of

it allows you to explore it a little bit

and say okay

is that true is that belief true

if I am successful

are all of my friends going to abandon me

am I going to be alone okay

that was a fear

that could be something that people have when they

when they're ready to to have babies

and it's like what is that true

well I mean honestly

I guess if all of my friends abandoned me

because I become successful

or if I become a mother

and they're really probably not my friends right

and I will likely attract new people in my life

that have a similar interest and love for things

that I am the season in right now right

and so when you start to to say it to yourself okay

does that belief hold validity

is it true is it possible that it's

there's another perspective that I've not seen

that would negate whether or not this is true right

and then

what would happen if I chose to believe

the opposite of what I've been believing

right and allowing ourselves to

to say okay

like I'm ready to take on a different way

that I'm looking at this because what happens is

we have these really cool cells inside of our brains

called mirror neurons and they will literally help us

look for things in our outside world

that match our inside

so if you have this deep seated fear

right that you're not going to be a good mom

because you were not modeled a good parent

you were going to continue to find

things in the outside world

that validate that

it's going to look for things that match

and so you have to be able to call it out on the table

and be like uh

this is not serving me any longer

this is not true this is not set in stone

I don't buy that anymore

I'm choosing what I wanna believe

and then you get to start looking for evidence

that is consistent with

the new belief that you wanna have right yes

it's it's one of those things where you have to

acknowledge it because otherwise

your brain and your subconscious

is going to continue to look for validation

that what it thinks to be true is true absolutely

I mean we don't even have to go as deep as

not being worthy enough to be a mom

I know that

there was definitely a part of that inside of me

during my journey when

with hindsight obviously right right

but what I would say in regards to that

because I just hear the like

here and go that's not true

I like don't feel not worthy and all that stuff

usually fertility issues

if it's not a physical or like a structural issue

or really a genetic issue

that can be influenced by functional medicine

or thoughts which that's still out on the cards for me

I'm not really like it's like oh

we're just on the cusp for that one

maybe not to be even true

but obviously physical issues right now

if you don't have fallopian tubes

if your husband you know

is like doesn't have sperm those are like genuine

uh infertile issues right

everyone else

is basically dealing with high information

and oxidative stress right now

when it comes down to the subconscious mind

we've been dealing with a lot of BS from yeah

moment of conception right

let's just face it in

or probably even in our grandmother's womb right

we can go and probably even further back in DNA

so when it comes to I have fertility issues

and looking at those subconscious beliefs

it could

literally not have anything to do with being a mom

but it could be you storing all this emotional BS

that you didn't ask for

but it's your responsibility now to tune into that

and go what am I holding on to

I

I have a client right now who is 100% blocking herself

physically with womb issues

that is like this dicey diagnosis of oh

maybe you have endometriosis

but we can't really figure it out because of

that's where she shoved all of the emotional baggage

from her parents being um

the from the Silent Generation basically right

no emotions are talked about

so she's harboring it there well

and she could do the perfect diet

she could do the supplementation

she can do all those things

but I was like

unless you're ready to open Pandora's box

which I get it it's the right

one of the most uncomfortable things to do is be real

real with yourself yep

yep the likelihood of you achieving your ultimate goal

gets slimmer and slimmer hundred percent

so a lot of people don't realize that

and this is kind of cool

I could bring all my cool stuff into this one sentence

that our thoughts create our feelings

and our feelings create our actions

and our action creates our results right

and so it comes back to the way we think

but what happens is that we fail to recognize too

that our thoughts are actually energy

and a lot of people don't realize that

and when our thoughts become feelings

it's charged energy it's like this

this it takes on a whole another another level right

if we do not allow ourselves to express those feelings

um they have to go somewhere and when I say energy

I'm talking like 7th grade science class guys

like we're gonna go back to there real quickly

so you remember that the basic

unit of all things in the universe

are in an atom right

yes and so our atoms are

all they are is little

tiny nuculuses surrounded by rotating electrons

that's it every single thought that you have

has energy that's attached to it

and things like the table I'm knocking on

is literally just a different consolidation of

of those atoms into this that I see okay

so our thoughts our energy

our thoughts create our feelings

our feelings

allow for our energy to be even more charged

if we don't allow ourselves to express those feelings

they can get stuck inside of our body

and there is so much evidence that talks about how we

can have generational effects from this

so when your grandma had unresolved um

something that she stuffed down into her

it literally is encoded in the DNA that comes to you

but there is such amazing stuff out there about um

neural plasticity and um epigenetics

so

that means that our thoughts can actually change the

way that our genes are expressed

that's how powerful this is

so none of the stuff

that you've been experiencing is set in stone

and so even if you have a familial thing

there is still the power in our thoughts

the energy behind our thoughts

but it's so important that we allow for ourselves

to use those thoughts

and use the energy that we have for our best good right

and so

this is kind of where I come back to that emotional

vibrational scale um

if you

look at what scientists have been able to discover

when they look at

the electrons that are rotating around

that nuculus

certain feelings actually have LED them to measure

with frequency and hurts how fast these electrons go

the more positive the emotions

the faster the electrons go

the higher the vibration

because the frequency is higher

they're faster so things like love joy

appreciation gratitude

freedom are going to vibrate faster higher

higher frequencies and even when I say those words

you notice that I even talked a little bit higher

and a little bit faster when I say things like sadness

hopelessness despair

shame guilt

you'll notice

and I didn't even try to do this on purpose

but it just is a natural thing

I spoke slower my voice lower

because those electrons are moving slower okay

we have to be able to harness the beautiful energy

that has association with our thoughts and therefore

feelings to try to allow

ourselves to stay in those highest

vibrations as possible but it doesn't do us any good

if we try to shame ourselves into thinking

you shouldn't be feeling sad right now

what's wrong with you

I'm gonna think of a happy thought like

you know unicorns jumping over rainbows

and it's supposed to like fix everything

and it doesn't

because you still have to acknowledge the feeling

and let it flow through you

in order for you to accept a new thought

and therefore a new feeling

and what happens is people get stuck into

I don't wanna feel like this

I'm gonna eat these chips instead um

wanna talk about this I'm going to you know

go to bed instead

and we literally allow those things to

to stay inside of us

and they can be expressed as diseases

actually 85% or more of our diseases

are actually linked to an emotional um an emotional um

trigger in that space and so

it's up to us to be able to use this

beautiful superpower of free will

and choosing our new thoughts

that can allow us to do this

but we have to acknowledge

the fact that those feelings have to be

expressed and validated

so if you're experiencing status right now

let's just say that

your sister in law just told you that she was pregnant

over a text how insensitive right

like she knew you've been trying for 10 years

and she just happens to text you right

and immediately you find yourself triggered by that

that's totally normal friend

that's totally normal

but instead of saying oh darn it what's wrong with you

you should be happy for her

and you start shaming yourself

guess what not only are you bringing yourself lower

that vibrational skill

but you're also allowing those emotions to

possibly stay stuck somewhere in your body

and not allowing to express itself

and so you can say to yourself like okay

I'm going to

allow myself to feel whatever is supposed to feel

and sometimes I even just give my myself a little um

a timer maybe 10 minutes

I'm gonna sit in this

and you have to be willing to sit in it

even though it's gonna gonna suck

and I'm gonna tell you that

but guess what it's not gonna suck

in longer than the 10 minutes that you had

cause you allowed yourself to go through that

and then you get to choose again

and you're not allowing it to stay in there

because when you get triggered friends

what happens is

it's because that emotion is still stuck somewhere

and it's bumping up against it like an old bruise

and so when something happens again

that that heightens that emotional response

it's because

it's bumped up against something inside of you

that you haven't allowed yourself to release yet yeah

yeah 100% yeah

you've read the book Letting Go Right

I have not oh my god you'll love it

you'll like Geek Out it's by David Hawkins

he's a MD PhD so he's like all the science behind it

but just sitting there with it because we have

you know society has come along alcohol

the entertainment industry TV

Netflix social media now and no one sitting there like

how do you feel right

like a let it be there

and allowing yourself to just sit with yourself

and all the BS is um

one of the best things that you can do for yourselves

because I it's

it's free one right he talks about like how the

all these modalities out there

which I'm not like there they're valid

and I think they are supportive and useful um

but the fact of the matter is

if you don't teach your things yourself

these things which are really simple to do

once you get into it

you are gonna spend thousands of dollars

going back to those modalities

which

don't necessarily get to the root of that emotion right

it's the feeling and the emotion

that is the key to this whole process um yeah

I'm really haha it's

it's just an amazing thing

and you can apply that to every situation of your life

right yeah

because fertility issues

just add on that extra thick layer of all the BS

that was there before and we are gonna end there today

it's such a great conversation

but we went on forever and you know

we like to keep it short and sweet here

except for our podcast discovery calls

so tune in next week

for the second part of Lachelle's conversation

have a great weekend thank you once again

for tuning in to the Finding Fertility podcast

if you're loving this podcast

please leave us a rating in review

and let us know how this

podcast is supporting you to get steps

closer to creating your dream family

I hope you have a beautiful weekend

and we will see you next Friday

for another episode of the Finding Fertility podcast